There’s something both exhilarating and terrifying about the question: Who am I?
For a long time, I thought I knew. As a teenager, I had this image of myself that felt so solid. But looking back, it’s almost laughable how little I actually knew. The truth is, I spent my entire life trying to be the person everyone needed me to be—the responsible one, the strong one, the peacekeeper. I was the glue holding my family together, the problem solver, the one who had to be level-headed and put everyone else first.
I was also the one expected to succeed. My dad made it clear that I needed to be the first to finish college, the one to “make something” of myself. And I did—on the outside, at least. But on the inside? I was drowning.
The Cost of Living for Everyone But Yourself
For years, I didn’t understand why I was so deeply unhappy. Why I felt empty. Why I didn’t want to be alive. My teenage and young adult years were spent in this quiet, crushing depression that I couldn’t even fully name. It wasn’t just sadness—it was this deep, aching void that made life feel unbearable.
Now, I understand why. It was because I wasn’t actually living. My life wasn’t mine. I had no control, no autonomy, no space to even ask myself what I truly wanted.
But if I had been able to?
I would have said that I wanted to be a dancer. That I wanted to be famous. That I wanted to explore my sexual identity. That I wanted to at least try to discover who I was without the weight of expectations crushing me.
But I wasn’t allowed to. My family needed me to be the rock, the fixer, the one who smoothed things over when everything fell apart. It got to the point where dancing—something I once loved—no longer brought me joy because deep down, I knew I’d never get to be the dancer I dreamed I could be.
Breaking Free & Finally Choosing Myself
And then, in 2023, something changed.
I found the strength to finally say no more. I told the world—meaning my family—to stop fucking telling me who I should be. And for the first time, I started to figure out who I actually was.
And what I found?
I’m bisexual. And my husband, the love of my life, is the first person who fully accepts that part of me. He gave me the courage to stop caring about what others think, to embrace myself fully, to stop hiding.
I love Pilates—which is shocking because I spent years resenting fitness. But now I see that my hatred of exercise wasn’t about movement itself—it was about the societal pressure to look a certain way, to be thin enough, perfect enough, worthy enough.
I stopped comparing my life to other people’s timelines. I embraced my career path, even though it’s barely starting in my 30s. I found my own definition of success, one that actually feels meaningful to me.
And you know what? Dancing makes me happy again. Because now, it’s mine.
How to Start Your Own Journey of Self-Discovery
If you’re feeling lost, if you’re struggling to figure out who you are outside of what everyone expects from you—know that you’re not alone. And also? There’s no deadline on self-discovery. You don’t have to have it all figured out by 18, 25, or even 30.
So where do you start?
1. Get Curious About Yourself
Ask the big questions: What excites me? What drains me? If no one was watching, what would I do just for me?
2. Try New Things
You don’t find yourself by just thinking—you find yourself by doing. Experiment. Take risks. Try that new hobby, explore that passion, put yourself out there.
3. Embrace the Cringe
You’re going to mess up. You’re going to change your mind. You’re going to look back and laugh (or cringe) at past versions of yourself. That’s growth. That’s the point.
4. Therapy & Journaling
If you’re struggling with identity, therapy can be life-changing. And what better way to start therapy then with Nova Therapy! Visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com to get started. Journaling is another powerful way to untangle your thoughts and explore your emotions without judgment if therapy feels a little bit intimidating to you right now.
5. Mindfulness & Self-Compassion
Learn to sit with yourself without distractions. Meditation, breathwork, or even just taking a moment to pause can help you reconnect with what feels right for you.
6. Stop Comparing Your Journey to Others
Social media makes it look like everyone else has life figured out. They don’t. Your timeline is yours—own it.
7. Listen to Yourself
Not your family. Not your friends. Not society. You. What feels right? What aligns with your values? The more you trust yourself, the more your real identity will unfold.
Finding Purpose Without the Pressure
Let’s talk about purpose. That word can feel so heavy—like if you don’t have some grand, world-changing purpose figured out, you’re failing. But here’s the truth: Purpose isn’t just one big thing.
It’s found in the small moments. In the things that bring you joy. In how you show up for yourself and others.
Instead of asking, What’s my one true purpose?, ask:
👉 What brings meaning to my life right now?
👉 How can I create joy in my everyday life?
👉 What do I want to explore next?
You Are Becoming—And That’s Beautiful
If you’re in the thick of figuring out who you are, take a deep breath. You’re not behind. You’re not lost. You’re becoming. And that is a damn beautiful thing.
So keep exploring. Keep questioning. Keep growing.
And most importantly? Keep choosing you.
