by Calien Trevino | Dec 13, 2024 | General
Grief is one of the most profound and universal human experiences, yet it can feel incredibly isolating. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or the end of an important relationship, grief touches us all in deeply personal ways. It’s a journey that’s often unpredictable, messy, and overwhelming. However, for some, the pain of loss eventually transforms into something more—a sense of purpose, a new direction, or a deeper connection to life.
In this blog, we’ll explore:
- The stages of grief and how they manifest
- Why it’s important to honor your unique grieving process
- The idea of turning pain into purpose
- Practical ways to navigate grief and begin healing
The Stages of Grief: A Framework, Not a Roadmap
When we talk about grief, many people think of the “five stages of grief” introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages provide a helpful framework for understanding common responses to loss, but they’re not a strict roadmap.
- Denial: This stage often feels like shock or disbelief. It’s a protective mechanism that helps us process loss in smaller, more manageable pieces.
- Anger: Grief can bring out intense anger, whether it’s directed at others, yourself, or the universe. It’s a natural part of processing the pain.
- Bargaining: In this stage, we might dwell on “if only” or “what if” scenarios, seeking a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation.
- Depression: The weight of the loss sets in, often accompanied by feelings of sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness.
- Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or “moving on.” It’s about finding a way to live with the loss and integrate it into your life.
Remember, grief doesn’t follow a straight path. You might move back and forth between stages or experience several at once. Your grief journey is as unique as the love and loss that brought you here.
Acknowledging the Depth of Grief
Grief isn’t just an emotional experience; it’s a whole-body response. It can affect your sleep, appetite, concentration, and even your sense of identity. Sometimes, it feels like the world keeps moving while you’re stuck in place, carrying a weight no one else can see.
If you’re feeling this way, it’s important to remind yourself: grief is not linear, and there’s no timeline for healing. You’re allowed to feel the full weight of your emotions—whether that’s sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of unexpected joy.
Finding Purpose in Pain
The idea of finding purpose in grief might feel impossible, especially in the early stages. Purpose doesn’t mean forgetting your loss or pretending the pain isn’t there. Instead, it’s about channeling that pain into something meaningful, whether that’s personal growth, helping others, or honoring the memory of what you’ve lost.
Here are a few ways people have turned their grief into purpose:
- Creating Something New: Writing a book, painting, or starting a project that honors their loved one.
- Helping Others: Volunteering, starting a support group, or sharing their story to help others feel less alone.
- Advocating for Change: Turning their loss into a mission, like raising awareness or creating initiatives in their loved one’s name.
Purpose doesn’t have to be grand or public—it can be as personal as a small ritual or a commitment to live in a way that reflects what you’ve learned from your grief.
Practical Ways to Navigate Grief
If you’re grieving and searching for ways to move forward, here are a few practical suggestions:
- Honor Your Feelings: Let yourself feel what you’re feeling without judgment. Grief is messy, and that’s okay.
- Create Rituals: Lighting a candle, writing in a journal, or visiting a meaningful place can help create a sense of connection and comfort.
- Lean on Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a grieving friend. Grief takes time and energy—be patient with yourself.
- Take Small Steps Toward Healing: Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding ways to live alongside your loss. This might involve finding joy in small moments or setting gentle goals for yourself.
The Hope Beyond Grief
Grief changes us. It’s not something we simply “get over.” Instead, it becomes part of who we are—a thread woven into the fabric of our lives. But with time and care, that thread can add depth and meaning rather than just pain.
Finding hope doesn’t mean the pain disappears. It means creating space for new experiences, new connections, and new possibilities. It’s about carrying the memory of your loss into the future, honoring it while still allowing yourself to grow.
Final Thoughts
If you’re navigating grief, know this: you are incredibly strong, even on the days you don’t feel like it. Grief is a testament to love, and your feelings are valid, no matter how overwhelming or contradictory they may seem.
Take your time. Be kind to yourself. And remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means learning to carry your loss in a way that allows you to keep moving forward.
If this blog resonated with you, share it with someone who might need it. And if you would like to process through your grief with a therapist, visit us at www.novatherapypllc.com to get started. Together, we can help each other find light in the darkest moments.
by Calien Trevino | Dec 6, 2024 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
Let’s be real—talking about our problems isn’t always easy. For some of us, it feels downright impossible. Maybe you’ve been there before: someone asks, “Are you okay?” and even though you’re not, the words just won’t come out. Why does this happen, and why does it feel so heavy to open up?
The truth is, the struggle to talk about feelings often starts in childhood. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. In this blog, we’re unpacking why it’s so hard to express our emotions, how it impacts mental health, and how you can start building trust to open up—one step at a time.
It Starts in Childhood
The way we learn to deal with emotions is often shaped by how we were raised. If you grew up in a family where feelings were dismissed—think “Stop crying” or “Toughen up”—it’s likely that you internalized the idea that emotions aren’t safe to share.
As kids, we look to our caregivers for emotional guidance. When feelings are ignored or minimized, we might learn to hide them instead of expressing them. Over time, this turns into a habit. By adulthood, staying silent about your struggles feels like second nature, even though it weighs heavily on your mental health.
How Bottling It Up Affects Mental Health
Here’s the thing about holding in your feelings: they don’t just disappear. Emotions that go unspoken tend to simmer under the surface, building pressure until they start spilling over in ways you might not expect.
Bottling things up can lead to:
- Increased Anxiety and Stress: When you don’t address your emotions, they stay with you, creating an ongoing sense of tension or unease.
- Depression: Suppressing your feelings over time can lead to a sense of isolation or hopelessness.
- Physical Symptoms: Unspoken emotions don’t just affect your mind—they can manifest in your body, causing headaches, muscle tension, and even insomnia.
- Emotional Burnout: When you carry the weight of unexpressed feelings for too long, you may start to feel detached or emotionally drained.
The cycle of keeping everything inside doesn’t just harm your mental health—it also makes it harder to connect with the people around you, leaving you feeling even more isolated.
The Effects of Sharing (The Good and the Bad)
Talking about your problems can be both a blessing and a challenge, depending on the situation and the person you’re sharing with.
The Positives:
When you open up to someone who listens and validates your feelings, it can be incredibly healing. Sharing your emotions can:
- Reduce stress and anxiety.
- Help you feel seen and understood.
- Strengthen your relationships by building trust and emotional intimacy.
The Negatives:
Of course, not every conversation goes the way we hope. Some people may not respond in a supportive way, which can feel invalidating or even hurtful. This is why it’s important to choose who you open up to carefully.
How to Slowly Build Trust and Open Up
If the idea of sharing your feelings makes you want to run for cover, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Opening up takes time, especially if it’s something you’ve struggled with for years. Here are some tips to help you ease into it:
- Start Small: You don’t have to dive into your deepest emotions right away. Begin with surface-level feelings—like saying, “I’ve been feeling a little stressed lately.”
- Choose Safe People: Open up to someone you trust, whether it’s a close friend, family member, or therapist. Trust is built over time, so start with someone who has shown they’re reliable.
- Pay Attention to Your Body: After you share, take note of how you feel. Do you feel lighter, or do you feel drained? Your emotional and physical reactions can help you decide if this person is a safe space.
- Practice Boundaries: You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings. Share only what you’re comfortable with, and don’t let anyone pressure you into saying more than you want.
How Therapy Can Help
If opening up feels like climbing a mountain, therapy can be an amazing place to start. A therapist provides a safe, judgment-free environment where you can explore your feelings at your own pace.
In therapy, you can:
- Unpack childhood patterns that made you feel like emotions weren’t safe.
- Learn tools for expressing yourself in a healthy way.
- Build confidence in talking about your feelings with others.
Therapy helps you unlearn the idea that your feelings don’t matter and empowers you to create healthier ways of connecting with yourself and others. Visit us at www.novatherapypllc.com to get started.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever wondered why it’s so hard to talk about your problems, just know that it’s not your fault—and you’re not alone. These patterns often run deep, rooted in our earliest experiences. But the good news? It’s never too late to start opening up, even if it’s just a little at a time.
Talking about your emotions might feel vulnerable at first, but it can also be one of the most freeing and healing things you’ll ever do. Whether it’s with a friend, a family member, or a therapist, take that first step. Your feelings matter, and you deserve to be heard.
by Calien Trevino | Nov 22, 2024 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
Relationships are supposed to make you feel loved, supported, and valued. But sometimes, they do the opposite, leaving you drained, anxious, and questioning your worth. Toxic relationships are more common than you think, and escaping them can feel like an uphill battle.
In this post, we’ll explore why people stay in toxic relationships, the toll they take on your mental and physical health, how to recognize the signs, and—most importantly—how to break free. Plus, we’ll dive into what a healthy relationship looks and feels like, so you can create the love you truly deserve.
Why Do People Stay in Toxic Relationships?
Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t as easy as it might seem. Emotional, financial, and psychological factors often create invisible chains that hold people back. Here are some of the most common reasons:
- Fear of Being Alone
Many people stay because the thought of being single or starting over feels overwhelming. After investing time and energy into a relationship, it can be hard to imagine a life without your partner—even if they’re causing harm.
- Hope They’ll Change
It’s normal to hold onto the good moments from the early days of a relationship and hope that things will go back to how they were. But waiting for someone to change often keeps you stuck in a cycle of hurt and disappointment.
- Emotional or Financial Dependence
Toxic partners can create a dynamic where you feel like you need them. Whether it’s financial control or emotional manipulation, these tactics can make leaving seem impossible.
- Low Self-Worth
Toxic relationships often chip away at your confidence, leaving you feeling like you don’t deserve better or that this is as good as it gets.
How Do You Know If You’re in a Toxic Relationship?
Sometimes, toxic relationships don’t start that way—they evolve over time. So, how do you know if your relationship is crossing the line? Watch out for these signs:
- Constant Criticism or Put-Downs: Your partner regularly belittles you or makes you feel small.
- Control and Manipulation: They try to dictate your actions, isolate you from loved ones, or guilt you into doing things their way.
- Gaslighting: They make you question your reality, often dismissing your feelings or telling you you’re “too sensitive.”
- Lack of Support: They don’t cheer you on or celebrate your successes—instead, they downplay your achievements or make it about themselves.
- Emotional or Physical Abuse: Any kind of abuse—emotional, verbal, or physical—is a clear indicator that the relationship is toxic.
If these red flags sound familiar, it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship and its impact on your well-being.
The Effects of Staying in a Toxic Relationship
Remaining in a toxic relationship can have long-term consequences for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Here’s what can happen when you stay:
- Mental Health Decline
Constant criticism, manipulation, and emotional abuse can lead to anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of loneliness. Over time, you might lose your sense of self and struggle with low self-esteem.
- Physical Health Problems
Chronic stress from toxic relationships can take a toll on your body. Headaches, sleep disturbances, and even weakened immunity can result from the constant tension.
- Damaged Relationships with Others
Toxic partners often isolate you from friends and family, leaving you without a support system. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and make it even harder to leave.
- Stagnation
Toxic relationships can prevent you from reaching your full potential, whether it’s pursuing a career goal, a hobby, or personal growth.
How to Break Free from a Toxic Relationship
Leaving a toxic relationship is hard, but staying in one is even harder. Here are steps to help you break free:
- Reach Out for Support
Talk to someone you trust—whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist. Having a support system can make all the difference.
- Create an Exit Plan
If you share finances or live together, plan your exit carefully. This might involve saving money, securing a new place to stay, or lining up support from loved ones.
- Set Boundaries
Toxic partners often try to guilt or manipulate you into staying. Stand firm in your decision to leave, and don’t let their tactics pull you back.
- Trust Yourself
Listen to your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is. You deserve a relationship where you feel safe, loved, and respected—don’t settle for less.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
After a toxic relationship, it’s natural to question what a healthy relationship even looks like. Here are some key markers:
- Safety and Trust: You feel safe to express your feelings and trust your partner fully. There’s no fear of judgment or betrayal.
- Mutual Respect: Both partners honor each other’s boundaries, individuality, and opinions. You encourage each other to grow and thrive.
- Open Communication: Disagreements happen, but they’re handled with kindness and a genuine desire to resolve the issue.
- Support: Your partner is your cheerleader, celebrating your successes and lifting you up when times are tough.
- Growth: Healthy relationships inspire both partners to be the best versions of themselves while growing together.
Final Thoughts
Toxic relationships can be incredibly difficult to leave, but the decision to walk away is the first step toward reclaiming your peace and happiness. Remember: you deserve love that builds you up, not love that tears you down.
If you’ve found yourself in a toxic relationship, take small, intentional steps to free yourself. Lean on your support system, trust your intuition, and know that better days are ahead. If you would like to talk through this in therapy, visit us at www.novatherapypllc.com to get started.
Healthy, fulfilling relationships exist—and you’re worthy of experiencing one.
by Calien Trevino | Nov 15, 2024 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
We’ve all heard it before: “Communication is key in relationships.” But what does that really mean? Is it just about talking more, or is there something deeper to it? Spoiler alert: It’s more than just having conversations. Effective communication is the backbone of every healthy relationship, from the early days of dating to those long-term, committed partnerships.
Let’s dive into why communication is so important for couples, how you can manage arguments in a healthy way, and why understanding your partner’s love language can make all the difference. Plus, we’ll explore why couples therapy is such a game-changer for improving communication and strengthening your relationship.
Why Communication Is Everything
So, why is communication so important? Well, think of it like this: Communication is the tool you use to connect with your partner, express your needs, and understand theirs. Without clear and open communication, misunderstandings pile up, feelings get hurt, and you start feeling like you’re talking to a brick wall instead of the person you love. Sound familiar?
When communication breaks down, it leads to a domino effect—small issues that could’ve been solved easily become big problems, and those unresolved issues can create distance between you and your partner. Open, honest, and empathetic communication helps you both stay on the same page, work through challenges together, and, most importantly, stay connected emotionally.
How Poor Communication Can Hurt Your Relationship
Let’s get real: a lack of communication can seriously hurt your relationship. When you stop sharing how you feel or aren’t listening to each other, it creates a disconnect. Maybe you feel unheard, unappreciated, or even resentful, which can lead to bigger issues like unresolved arguments or emotional distance.
If you’re always arguing but never resolving the core issue, it’s probably because there’s a breakdown in communication. You might be saying one thing, but your partner hears something else entirely. Or maybe one of you shuts down during conflict instead of talking it out. Either way, poor communication can leave both partners feeling frustrated, alone, and misunderstood.
Managing Arguments in a Healthy Way
Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you handle them that makes all the difference. A lot of couples make the mistake of letting arguments spiral out of control, turning small disagreements into full-blown fights. The key is to argue in a way that’s productive rather than destructive. Here’s how:
- Stay Calm: Take a deep breath before things escalate. Raising your voice or getting defensive only fuels the fire.
- Focus on the Issue, Not the Person: Avoid personal attacks. Stick to the topic at hand and focus on finding a solution rather than blaming your partner.
- Use “I” Statements: Instead of saying, “You always do this,” try “I feel upset when this happens.” It shifts the tone from accusatory to constructive.
- Take Breaks When Needed: If things are getting too heated, it’s okay to take a break. Step away, cool down, and come back to the conversation when you’re both ready to talk calmly.
- Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond: It’s easy to focus on what you’re going to say next, but real communication happens when you actually listen to your partner and try to understand their point of view.
Healthy arguments are about finding solutions, not “winning.” The goal is to better understand each other and work through the issue together.
The Power of Love Languages
One of the most game-changing things in any relationship? Learning your partner’s love language. If you’re not familiar, the concept of love languages comes from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages, which breaks down how people give and receive love in five different ways: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Here’s the thing: You might be expressing love in the way you understand it, but if your partner’s love language is different, they might not feel fully loved or appreciated. For example, you might shower them with gifts (Receiving Gifts), but what they really need to feel loved is for you to spend uninterrupted time with them (Quality Time).
Understanding and communicating each other’s love languages is crucial for building a deeper emotional connection. Once you know how your partner feels most loved, you can show up for them in ways that truly matter, and vice versa. It’s a total game-changer for communication, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.
Why Couples Therapy Is a Game-Changer
Now, let’s talk about couples therapy. Some people might think therapy is only for relationships on the rocks, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Couples therapy is about strengthening your relationship and improving the way you communicate, even when things are going well.
Think of it like going to the gym—just like you work out to keep your body healthy, therapy helps keep your relationship in good shape. It provides a safe space to talk openly, understand each other’s perspectives, and learn new tools for communication and conflict resolution.
A therapist can help you uncover communication roadblocks, learn healthier ways to argue, and even help you better understand each other’s needs and love languages. If you’ve ever felt like you’re talking past each other or your arguments never seem to get resolved, therapy can offer a fresh perspective and help you break out of those negative patterns.
To get started in couples therapy, visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com!
Final Thoughts: Keep the Conversation Going
At the end of the day, communication is the glue that holds your relationship together. It’s how you express your love, work through challenges, and stay connected. Whether it’s managing arguments, understanding each other’s love languages, or even seeking out therapy to improve your communication, the effort you put into talking things out will pay off in the long run.
So, don’t wait until things are falling apart to start working on your communication. Make it a priority now, and watch your relationship grow stronger, more connected, and more fulfilling.
by Calien Trevino | Nov 8, 2024 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
Remember the early days of your relationship? The butterflies, the spontaneous dates, and the constant effort to impress each other? Yeah, those were the good times. But here’s the thing — that magic doesn’t have to fade just because you’ve been together for a while. In fact, keeping the spark alive by continuing to date each other is one of the best things you can do for your relationship, especially when it comes to staying connected both emotionally and physically.
Let’s break it down: dating your partner, treating them with love and kindness, and making an effort in your relationship doesn’t just keep things fresh, it can totally elevate your sex life too. So, let’s talk about why you should keep dating your partner, how it impacts your connection, and how to reignite that romantic fire.
Why Continuing to Date Each Other Matters
Think of your relationship like a plant — if you don’t water it, it wilts. Relationships need the same kind of care and attention to stay strong. And one of the best ways to “water” your relationship? Keep dating each other! Seriously. It’s easy to fall into routines and let life’s demands take over, but making time for intentional dates helps you both feel valued and keeps that romantic vibe going strong.
When you continue to date each other, you’re not just going through the motions; you’re reminding each other, “Hey, you’re still the one I’m choosing every day.” Whether it’s a fancy dinner out, a cozy night in, or a spontaneous day trip, the point is to keep showing up for each other. And guess what? That regular investment in quality time together leads to a stronger emotional connection, which naturally makes everything else — yes, including your sex life — better.
How a Lack of Romance Affects Your Sex Life
So what happens when you stop dating each other? Let’s be real: when the romance starts to fade, it can affect every part of your relationship, especially your physical connection. When you’re not making time to connect emotionally, it’s easy to feel more like roommates than romantic partners.
Without regular emotional bonding, that closeness you once had can start to drift, and suddenly intimacy feels like a routine or an afterthought. Over time, that emotional disconnect can make your sex life feel stagnant, and the spark you once had? It fizzles out. This is why making time for romance is key — when you feel emotionally connected, you’re more likely to feel open, vulnerable, and ready to connect physically.
Why Not Feeling Loved Can Lead to a Non-Existent Sex Life
Let’s get real for a sec — not feeling loved or appreciated in a relationship can lead to a non-existent sex life. If there’s no emotional connection or affection, it becomes really hard to feel confident and secure enough to be intimate. When you don’t feel valued, sex can start to feel like a chore rather than a fulfilling way to bond with your partner.
It’s all connected. If you feel neglected or taken for granted, the last thing on your mind is going to be getting romantic. That’s why feeling loved and appreciated is so essential for maintaining a healthy sex life. When you know your partner values you, it’s easier to relax, let your guard down, and enjoy those intimate moments.
How Kindness and Love Impact Your Relationship
Kindness might sound basic, but it’s actually the foundation of every healthy relationship. Treating each other with kindness isn’t just about being nice — it’s about creating a safe and supportive space where you both feel valued and respected.
When you’re kind to each other, whether through words, actions, or small gestures, it strengthens your bond. And guess what? That bond is the foundation for everything else in your relationship, including your sex life. When you feel loved, appreciated, and supported, you’re more likely to be open and vulnerable with your partner, leading to a healthier, more connected sex life. Simple acts of kindness really go a long way.
Tips to Keep the Romance (and Sex Life) Alive
So, how do you keep the romance alive when life gets busy and routines take over? Here are some practical tips to keep things fresh, fun, and exciting in your relationship:
- Plan Regular Date Nights: Whether it’s once a week or once a month, make time for dedicated “us” time. Date nights don’t have to be fancy — just make sure you’re spending quality time together without distractions.
- Surprise Each Other: Little surprises go a long way. Whether it’s leaving a cute note, planning a surprise date, or bringing home their favorite snack, small gestures show your partner you’re still thinking about them.
- Flirt Like You’re Still Dating: Don’t let the flirting stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Compliments, playful teasing, and sweet texts keep the romantic vibes going.
- Create Rituals: Establish small, meaningful routines like a goodnight kiss, morning coffee together, or weekly walks. These little habits create a sense of closeness and connection.
- Try New Things Together: Break out of your routine by trying something new as a couple. Whether it’s a hobby, an activity, or a new place to explore, shared experiences help strengthen your bond.
- Make Time for Physical Affection: Even if you’re not in the mood for sex, small acts of physical touch like holding hands, cuddling, or a hug can help maintain emotional intimacy.
- Be Kind Daily: Simple acts of kindness and words of appreciation help maintain a positive and loving atmosphere. A little kindness goes a long way in keeping the love alive.
- Communicate Openly: Regularly check in with each other. Whether you’re talking about your day or sharing your feelings, open communication is key to staying connected emotionally and physically.
So there you have it — the key to keeping your relationship strong, your romance alive, and your sex life thriving is all about continuing to date each other, showing kindness, and making that emotional connection a priority. Relationships take effort, but the reward? A love that keeps growing and evolving, even as life changes around you.
Go ahead and plan that next date night — your relationship (and your sex life) will thank you for it!
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