by Calien Trevino | May 22, 2025 | Anxiety, Complex PTSD, General, Personality Disorders, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
The Invisible Weight of Womanhood
Living as a woman in today’s world isn’t just exhausting—it’s psychologically damaging. We carry the trauma of generations who were silenced, dismissed, abused, and expected to smile through it.
We’re told to be soft but not weak, sexy but not sexual, driven but not intimidating. God forbid we actually express rage, grief, or exhaustion—we’re quickly labeled “crazy,” “hormonal,” or “too much.”
But we aren’t crazy. We’re traumatized by expectations that were never made for us to thrive.
When Mental Health Becomes a Political Battlefield
I live in Texas. And as I write this, I do not have full rights over my body. If a man chooses to violate me, the law says I have to carry the aftermath. That’s not just wrong—it’s soul-crushing. It is a mental health crisis disguised as policy.
Being stripped of your autonomy, being told your pain is irrelevant, and your body is not your own? That is trauma. That is fear. That is depression, anxiety, and hopelessness wrapped in law.
And yet, we’re told to be “resilient.”
The System Was Designed to Break Us
We weren’t always allowed to vote. We weren’t always allowed to own property. We were seen as wives, mothers, servants—and that conditioning hasn’t magically disappeared.
We internalize it:
This is how emotional trauma festers. This is how women learn to gaslight themselves before the world even gets the chance.
“You are not too much. You’ve just outgrown their small expectations.”
The Psychological Toll of Gender Roles
Let’s talk about the mental health symptoms no one tells you are linked to gendered trauma:
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People-pleasing that stems from fear of rejection.
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Perfectionism because we were only praised when we were “good.”
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Disordered eating as a way to control how we’re perceived.
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Anxiety masked as “high-functioning.”
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Depression we’re too busy to notice because we’re “strong.”
We are carrying the emotional weight of being everything for everyone—except ourselves.
Toxic Relationships Aren’t Just Breakups—They’re Wounds
Toxic relationships are often the most intimate reenactments of the trauma we were groomed to accept.
They tell us we’re hard to love.
That we’re lucky someone wants us.
That we should settle.
That our boundaries are “too much.”
And when we finally walk away, we’re left with a mess to clean up—alone. The gaslighting. The shattered self-worth. The ache of knowing we believed someone who treated us like we were disposable.
But here’s the truth:
“She rebuilt herself from the ashes of every lie she was told about her worth.”
This Is More Than Self-Care—This Is Revolution
Mental health for women isn’t just about bubble baths and journaling.
It’s about:
Healing is an act of rebellion in a world that profits off our brokenness.
Every time we say no, choose rest, protect our peace, or leave something that doesn’t love us back—we disrupt centuries of control.
You Are Not Alone—And You Are Not the Problem
If you feel burned out, bitter, or broken, please hear me:
You were never meant to carry all of this alone.
You were never meant to be perfect to deserve peace.
You are not “too much.” You’re too awake to keep playing small.
“You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be loud. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be free.”
Final Words
This world has tried to shrink us, silence us, and steal our bodies—but it cannot touch our minds unless we surrender them.
So don’t.
Take your time. Take your power. And take back your mental health like your life depends on it—because honestly? It does.
You are not crazy. You are conditioned.
And now, you are unlearning.
Let that be your revolution.
Let’s talk about it in therapy. Visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com to get started.
by Calien Trevino | May 9, 2025 | Anxiety, Complex PTSD, Eating Disorder, General, Mood Disorders, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
You can have six-pack abs and still feel like shit inside. Harsh truth? Maybe. But it’s real. We live in a world that worships the grind — morning workouts, green smoothies, biohacks — but if your inner world is in survival mode, all that self-care becomes surface-level.
Let’s break it down.
Physical Health Matters — No Doubt
We’re not here to hate on fitness, kale, or sunshine. Physical health plays a huge role in supporting your mental health. Your body and brain are on the same team.
Here’s why physical health is important:
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Vitamin D from sunlight boosts serotonin — your mood’s best friend.
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Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally fight depression and anxiety.
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Sleep gives your brain time to reset, sort emotions, and rebalance your system.
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Nutrition matters. Your gut produces about 90% of your serotonin. Eat like garbage? Feel like garbage.
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Looking good can help you feel good — not for clout, but because showing up for yourself physically can build self-respect and confidence.
Taking care of your body supports your mind — but it’s not the whole story.
The Missing Piece: Mental Health
You can be physically “healthy” and still be deeply unwell. You can’t out-run, out-lift, or out-diet your trauma. Mental health is the foundation — and when it’s cracked, everything else starts crumbling too.
Here’s what that looks like:
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Trauma keeps your nervous system in fight-or-flight. Your body is constantly bracing for danger — even when it’s not there.
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Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s a mental and physical shutdown. No motivation, no energy, no hope.
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Anxiety means your brain is on red alert all the time. This can mess with your digestion, sleep, immune system — you name it.
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Mental health disorders like ADHD, PTSD, OCD, and bipolar aren’t just “bad moods.” They affect how you think, move, relate, and function every day.
When you’re mentally struggling, it doesn’t matter how much you work out. If your brain is stuck in fear, shame, or emotional chaos, your body will feel the weight of that.
So What’s the Solution?
It’s not mental health vs. physical health. It’s mental health first — because once your mind is grounded, your body can follow.
Here are some real, no-BS tips to support your mental health:
1. Go to therapy.
Your friends aren’t your therapists. TikTok isn’t a treatment plan. Get professional support to unpack the heavy stuff. Visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com to start working on your mental health!
2. Regulate your nervous system.
Try breathwork, grounding, cold showers, somatic work — anything that helps your body feel safe.
3. Rest like it’s your job.
Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. Rest is healing. Your worth is not tied to productivity.
4. Set boundaries.
Protect your peace like it’s your password. Limit time with energy vampires. Unfollow toxic content. Say no unapologetically.
5. Get honest with yourself.
Stop faking “I’m fine.” Growth starts with truth — even if that truth is messy.
Final Word: Health Is More Than Aesthetic
Sure, post the gym selfie. Eat the salad. Take your vitamins. But also? Cry when you need to. Journal the rage. Sit with your sadness. Heal your shit.
Because real health isn’t just about what you look like.
It’s how safe you feel in your body.
It’s how you talk to yourself when no one’s around.
It’s whether your nervous system believes the world is dangerous… or survivable.
You deserve to feel whole — not just “wellness-influencer” pretty.
Liked this post? Share it with someone who needs the reminder. And maybe — just maybe — book that therapy session you’ve been putting off. Your mind deserves just as much love as your body.
by Calien Trevino | Apr 11, 2025 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
You know what’s fucked up? Society teaches us that in order to be loved, we have to seem perfect. That if we follow this invisible checklist of life milestones, we’ll be happy, successful, and worthy of admiration. Graduate by 22, land the dream job, get married by 30, buy a house, have kids, and live happily ever after. And if you don’t? Well, welcome to the existential crisis club.
For years, I felt like I was falling behind. I dropped out of college during my undergrad, and it took me seven years to earn my degree. I didn’t get married until I was 30. I still don’t own a home, and I don’t have kids. Meanwhile, I watched my friends and family checking all the traditional boxes. The weddings, the mortgages, the baby announcements—it felt like everyone had their lives together while I was stuck in a never-ending game of catch-up. And let me tell you, that mindset? It was brutal on my mental health.
The Pressure to “Keep Up” is Ruining Our Mental Health
When we measure our success by society’s timeline, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Because let’s be real—life isn’t a neatly wrapped package with a predictable timeline. It’s messy, unpredictable, and uniquely yours. But the pressure to keep up with everyone else? That’s what leads to stress, anxiety, burnout, and an overwhelming feeling of not enoughness.
Scrolling through social media doesn’t help. You see people your age buying houses, traveling the world, launching businesses, or announcing engagements, and suddenly you’re questioning everything. Am I doing something wrong? Did I waste my time? Why am I not where they are? Spoiler alert: comparison is a liar, and social media is a highlight reel—not reality.
Success is Different for Everyone (And That’s a Good Thing)
So let’s rewrite the script. Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Maybe for you, success means:
- Prioritizing mental health over hustle culture.
- Healing from trauma and breaking generational cycles.
- Loving your job (even if it doesn’t come with a six-figure salary).
- Finding joy in the little things, like slow mornings and deep conversations.
- Building a community of people who actually get you.
When we fixate on outdated definitions of success, we rob ourselves of the joy of the present moment. We focus so much on what we haven’t accomplished that we forget to appreciate what we have.
Breaking Free From the Timeline Mentality
So how do we break free from this societal pressure? Here are a few things that helped me:
- Question the Narrative – Ask yourself: Is this something I actually want, or is it just what I think I should want?
- Celebrate Non-Traditional Wins – Healing, setting boundaries, personal growth—these are all major accomplishments.
- Step Away from the Comparison Game – Mute, unfollow, or take a break from social media when you need to.
- Create Your Own Definition of Success – One that aligns with your values, not anyone else’s.
- Be Kind to Yourself – Life isn’t a race. You’re not behind. You’re exactly where you need to be.
You Are Not Behind. You Are on Your Path.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re falling behind, take a deep breath. You’re not. There is no universal timeline for success, happiness, or fulfillment. Your path is your own, and the more you embrace it, the more you’ll realize—you were never behind in the first place.
So here’s your permission slip to live life your way. Success isn’t about checking arbitrary boxes—it’s about building a life that actually feels good to you.
And that? That’s worth celebrating. 🥂
Visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com to start breaking free!
by Calien Trevino | Mar 28, 2025 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
If you’ve spent any time on the internet, you’ve probably heard something about ADHD. Maybe you’ve seen memes about people with ADHD hyper-fixating on a random hobby for a week straight or forgetting where they put their phone while it’s literally in their hand. But ADHD is so much more than just being a little scatterbrained or “bad at paying attention.” It’s a full-life experience that impacts emotions, relationships, and even everyday routines.
And, fun fact—I don’t have ADHD, but my husband does. And let me tell you, it has been a journey of learning, understanding, and (let’s be real) exercising an unreal amount of patience. Like that one Valentine’s Day when I went to Pilates for an hour and came home to what looked like a natural disaster in our kitchen. While I so appreciated his effort to make steak, lobster, salad, chocolate-covered apples and strawberries, and a bouquet of flowers (romance level 100, right?), he completely destroyed the kitchen in the process. Dishes were everywhere, cabinet doors were all wide open, there wasn’t a single inch of counter space left. Meanwhile, I had planned for a super chill night—pizza, a movie, and just relaxing. Instead, I spent three hours helping him finish the meal (because he hadn’t even gotten to cooking yet) and then cleaning up the absolute wreckage.
And that, my friends, is just a glimpse of what it’s like to love someone with ADHD.
WHAT IS ADHD, REALLY?
First things first—let’s talk about what ADHD actually is. ADHD, or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person’s ability to regulate attention, impulses, and emotions. It’s not just about being “hyper” or “easily distracted”—it’s a full-body, full-life experience.
ADHD symptoms usually fall into three categories:
- Inattention – Difficulty focusing, getting easily distracted, forgetting things, struggling with organization and time management.
- Hyperactivity – Restlessness, fidgeting, trouble sitting still, feeling like they need to be doing something all the time.
- Impulsivity – Interrupting conversations, making decisions without thinking through consequences, emotional outbursts.
Not everyone with ADHD has hyperactivity—many people (especially adults) have more of the inattentive or combined type, meaning they might look totally “functional” on the outside but internally feel scattered, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
ADHD MYTHS: LET’S BUST ‘EM
Before we dive into what ADHD actually looks like, let’s clear up some of the biggest myths floating around out there.
MYTH #1: ADHD is just about not being able to focus.
Nope. ADHD is more like struggling to regulate focus. That means sometimes people with ADHD have trouble concentrating, but other times, they hyperfocus for hours on something they find interesting (hello, 10-hour deep dive into obscure Wikipedia pages).
MYTH #2: ADHD only affects kids.
Another hard no. While ADHD is often diagnosed in childhood, it doesn’t just disappear when someone turns 18. Adults with ADHD deal with challenges in work, relationships, and daily life—often without the support they needed when they were younger.
MYTH #3: People with ADHD are just lazy.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard this one, I could afford to hire someone to clean up after my husband’s next grand project. ADHD isn’t about laziness—it’s about executive dysfunction. That means starting tasks, organizing thoughts, and following through on plans can be way harder than it seems. It’s not a lack of effort; it’s a difference in brain wiring.
MYTH #4: ADHD isn’t a real disorder.
If only it were that simple. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, backed by decades of research and brain imaging. It affects how the brain processes information, regulates emotions, and manages impulses. So yeah, very real.
WHAT ADHD ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE
So what does ADHD look like in real life? It’s different for everyone, but here are some common traits:
- Impulsivity – Saying things without thinking, interrupting conversations, making questionable late-night online purchases.
- Hyperfocus – Zoning in on one task for hours and completely forgetting to eat, drink water, or, you know, respond to texts.
- Time Blindness – Thinking 10 minutes have passed when it’s actually been 2 hours (or vice versa).
- Forgetfulness – Losing keys, forgetting appointments, or leaving the laundry in the washer for days (…weeks?).
- Difficulty with Transitions – Struggling to shift from one task to another, especially if they’re deep in hyperfocus mode.
- Emotional Dysregulation – Feeling emotions big time—whether it’s excitement, frustration, or stress.
LOVING SOMEONE WITH ADHD
Being married to someone with ADHD has taught me a lot about patience, communication, and adapting. Some days, I feel like the project manager of our lives—reminding him of appointments, helping him stay on track, and creating structure where his brain thrives. Other days, I see how his ADHD brings so much spontaneity, creativity, and energy into our life.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Expect the unexpected. Plans might change because their brain suddenly decides now is the time for a random deep-clean of the closet or a new hobby.
- Give gentle reminders, not nagging. Framing things positively helps—“Hey babe, remember you were going to call the doctor today?” instead of “Did you seriously forget again?”
- Pick your battles. Some things just aren’t worth getting worked up over. If my husband leaves cabinets open, I take a deep breath and close them. It’s not the end of the world (even if it is mildly infuriating).
- Celebrate their strengths. ADHD brains are full of creativity, passion, and out-of-the-box thinking. When they’re in their element, it’s magic.
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you love someone with ADHD—or you are someone with ADHD—just know that it’s not about “fixing” or “curing” anything. It’s about understanding, adapting, and appreciating the way ADHD brains work. Yes, there are challenges, but there’s also so much vibrancy, creativity, and fun that comes with it.
And if your partner ever decides to make an elaborate Valentine’s Day dinner while you’re out for an hour… just mentally prepare yourself. It might not go as planned, but hey, at least it makes for a good story. And don’t forget to visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com for your ADHD!
by Calien Trevino | Mar 14, 2025 | Anxiety, General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
There’s something both exhilarating and terrifying about the question: Who am I?
For a long time, I thought I knew. As a teenager, I had this image of myself that felt so solid. But looking back, it’s almost laughable how little I actually knew. The truth is, I spent my entire life trying to be the person everyone needed me to be—the responsible one, the strong one, the peacekeeper. I was the glue holding my family together, the problem solver, the one who had to be level-headed and put everyone else first.
I was also the one expected to succeed. My dad made it clear that I needed to be the first to finish college, the one to “make something” of myself. And I did—on the outside, at least. But on the inside? I was drowning.
The Cost of Living for Everyone But Yourself
For years, I didn’t understand why I was so deeply unhappy. Why I felt empty. Why I didn’t want to be alive. My teenage and young adult years were spent in this quiet, crushing depression that I couldn’t even fully name. It wasn’t just sadness—it was this deep, aching void that made life feel unbearable.
Now, I understand why. It was because I wasn’t actually living. My life wasn’t mine. I had no control, no autonomy, no space to even ask myself what I truly wanted.
But if I had been able to?
I would have said that I wanted to be a dancer. That I wanted to be famous. That I wanted to explore my sexual identity. That I wanted to at least try to discover who I was without the weight of expectations crushing me.
But I wasn’t allowed to. My family needed me to be the rock, the fixer, the one who smoothed things over when everything fell apart. It got to the point where dancing—something I once loved—no longer brought me joy because deep down, I knew I’d never get to be the dancer I dreamed I could be.
Breaking Free & Finally Choosing Myself
And then, in 2023, something changed.
I found the strength to finally say no more. I told the world—meaning my family—to stop fucking telling me who I should be. And for the first time, I started to figure out who I actually was.
And what I found?
I’m bisexual. And my husband, the love of my life, is the first person who fully accepts that part of me. He gave me the courage to stop caring about what others think, to embrace myself fully, to stop hiding.
I love Pilates—which is shocking because I spent years resenting fitness. But now I see that my hatred of exercise wasn’t about movement itself—it was about the societal pressure to look a certain way, to be thin enough, perfect enough, worthy enough.
I stopped comparing my life to other people’s timelines. I embraced my career path, even though it’s barely starting in my 30s. I found my own definition of success, one that actually feels meaningful to me.
And you know what? Dancing makes me happy again. Because now, it’s mine.
How to Start Your Own Journey of Self-Discovery
If you’re feeling lost, if you’re struggling to figure out who you are outside of what everyone expects from you—know that you’re not alone. And also? There’s no deadline on self-discovery. You don’t have to have it all figured out by 18, 25, or even 30.
So where do you start?
1. Get Curious About Yourself
Ask the big questions: What excites me? What drains me? If no one was watching, what would I do just for me?
2. Try New Things
You don’t find yourself by just thinking—you find yourself by doing. Experiment. Take risks. Try that new hobby, explore that passion, put yourself out there.
3. Embrace the Cringe
You’re going to mess up. You’re going to change your mind. You’re going to look back and laugh (or cringe) at past versions of yourself. That’s growth. That’s the point.
4. Therapy & Journaling
If you’re struggling with identity, therapy can be life-changing. And what better way to start therapy then with Nova Therapy! Visit us at https://www.novatherapypllc.com to get started. Journaling is another powerful way to untangle your thoughts and explore your emotions without judgment if therapy feels a little bit intimidating to you right now.
5. Mindfulness & Self-Compassion
Learn to sit with yourself without distractions. Meditation, breathwork, or even just taking a moment to pause can help you reconnect with what feels right for you.
6. Stop Comparing Your Journey to Others
Social media makes it look like everyone else has life figured out. They don’t. Your timeline is yours—own it.
7. Listen to Yourself
Not your family. Not your friends. Not society. You. What feels right? What aligns with your values? The more you trust yourself, the more your real identity will unfold.
Finding Purpose Without the Pressure
Let’s talk about purpose. That word can feel so heavy—like if you don’t have some grand, world-changing purpose figured out, you’re failing. But here’s the truth: Purpose isn’t just one big thing.
It’s found in the small moments. In the things that bring you joy. In how you show up for yourself and others.
Instead of asking, What’s my one true purpose?, ask:
👉 What brings meaning to my life right now?
👉 How can I create joy in my everyday life?
👉 What do I want to explore next?
You Are Becoming—And That’s Beautiful
If you’re in the thick of figuring out who you are, take a deep breath. You’re not behind. You’re not lost. You’re becoming. And that is a damn beautiful thing.
So keep exploring. Keep questioning. Keep growing.
And most importantly? Keep choosing you.
by Calien Trevino | Feb 14, 2025 | General, Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders
Valentine’s Day is often seen as a celebration of romantic love, but the truth is, it’s about all types of love—and that includes the love you give yourself and the love shared with your closest friends. Whether you’re in a relationship, navigating heartbreak, or spending the day with your besties, this day can be a powerful reminder to appreciate the people who matter most in your life.
In today’s blog post, we’re going to explore the importance of self-love, nurturing your friendships, and strengthening the love in your relationship—because Valentine’s Day is really about making sure you feel loved in every way possible.
Let’s Start with You: Self-Love and Self-Care
Valentine’s Day can bring up all kinds of emotions—especially if you’re single or going through a tough time. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need someone else to make you feel loved and happy, but that’s just not true. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself.
If you’re not in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to practice self-care and focus on celebrating YOU. Maybe you take yourself out to your favorite coffee shop, treat yourself to a cozy evening, or do something creative or relaxing that makes you feel good. Self-love isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing yourself kindness, patience, and appreciation.
Remember, you are your own source of happiness. You can’t always rely on other people to make you feel validated, loved, or worthy. True love starts from within, and when you prioritize self-care and self-compassion, you’re in a better position to love others, too.
Healing from Heartbreak: Be Gentle with Your Heart
If you’re recovering from heartbreak or feeling lonely, Valentine’s Day can feel like a reminder of what you’re missing. But I want you to know that healing takes time, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Heartbreak is hard, and sometimes it feels like you’ll never fully move past it. But you will.
It’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotions without judgment—whether that’s sadness, anger, or even relief. These feelings are all a part of the process. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t rush your healing. It’s not a linear path, and that’s perfectly fine.
While you’re healing, find ways to nurture yourself. Focus on activities that bring you peace and joy, whether that’s journaling, spending time in nature, or hanging out with close friends. The key is to honor your feelings and give yourself the time and space to heal—there’s no deadline for moving on.
Galentine’s Day: Celebrating Friendship & Connection
For many of us, friendships are the true backbone of our lives. Your besties, the ones who have laughed with you, supported you, and celebrated your wins—they deserve all the love today, too.
Galentine’s Day is all about appreciating the amazing women and friends who choose you as an important person in their life. Even if your friends are in different places emotionally or physically, remember this: they’ve chosen you. That choice to be part of your life is worth celebrating.
Here are a few ways to show your appreciation to the incredible friends in your life:
- Send a thoughtful message: Let them know how much they mean to you. It could be as simple as a text, a handwritten card, or a thoughtful gift that shows you care.
- Set up a virtual hangout: If you can’t be together in person, a video call or even a surprise care package can go a long way in showing you’re thinking of them.
- Reminisce about your favorite memories: Reach out to friends and share your favorite moments together—reminiscing about those times brings you closer and strengthens your bond.
- Offer emotional support: Check in on your friends, listen to them, and show them they can count on you, no matter where they are in life.
Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romantic love; it’s about honoring all the people who make your life special. So take today as an opportunity to thank those who’ve been there for you, and let them know you appreciate them.
Celebrating Love as a Couple: Let’s Keep It Real
Now, for those of you in relationships, Valentine’s Day can be a time to celebrate the bond you share with your partner. But here’s a little reminder: Valentine’s Day isn’t about materialism or extravagant gestures. It’s about connection, appreciation, and showing love in meaningful ways.
If you and your partner are feeling pressure to make the day perfect or splash out on expensive gifts, take a step back and focus on the true meaning of this day—it’s about love, not stuff.
Here are a few ways to show love to your partner today (and every day):
- Spend quality time together: Whether it’s a cozy night in or a walk down memory lane, make sure you’re present with each other.
- Small gestures, big impact: A handwritten note, a thoughtful surprise, or just a simple “I love you” goes a long way. It’s not about the grand gestures, it’s about showing you care.
- Communicate in their love language: Make sure you’re showing love in a way that resonates with your partner—whether that’s through words, touch, acts of service, or quality time.
- Be kind and supportive: In a healthy relationship, kindness goes a long way. Show up for each other, even when things get tough.
Remember, Valentine’s Day is about connection, not comparison. Show love through the little things, be kind to each other, and celebrate the bond you’ve created together.
Wrapping Up
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love in all its forms. Whether it’s self-love, the love of your friends, or the bond you share with your partner, it’s a chance to reflect on the connections that matter most.
So, take today to appreciate yourself and the people who choose you every day. And no matter what your relationship status is, remember that you are deserving of love, kindness, and all the good things life has to offer.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Let’s spread love and appreciation in every way we can.
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